I went to Potbelly's with Vena and her sister for dinner. Our last meetings conversation over the value of money in Taiwanese culture stayed in my mind. I wanted to know more about their culture and how it had influenced their outlook on life. I began the conversation by asking them if they had put any thought into a career that could make them happy and make them money. They said that it was a dream for them now, but they didn't think it was a reality.
They began to expand more upon the topic and about how the need to make money effected family life, so this became the center of our conversation. They explained that both men and woman had to work; there wasn't even any other option. I asked them how they could possibly raise kids and they responded that they would make it work. I expressed my want to have a big family and they asked me how many kids I wanted. I responded that I wanted four. They sat there in shock with absolutely no response. It was almost like they had never heard of someone having 4 kids before.
In order to get over the silence, I asked them how many children people have in Taiwan. They said that most people only have one and if they are rich they have two. To me it seemed like their evaluation on whether or not to have a kid was completely economic and not at all about the happiness that a child could bring.
I continued that conversation by asking them if either of them had boyfriends. Vena, in her normal sassy manner, responded that she was single; however, her sister told me that she had a boyfriend back at home. She talked about him in a very distant manner. I asked if she missed him or if it was hard for her to be away from him. She said no and asked me why I was always feeling "homesick" for those that I loved. It seemed to me that she and her boyfriend had only been dating for a bit, because they did not seem to have a deep and meaningful connection. In addition, when I asked Vena what she thought about him, she said that she didn't really know him very well.
I asked how long they had been dating and she said that they had been dating for ten years. Ten years. Her lack of sadness because of their separation was interesting to me. I wondered how Vena barely knew her sister's boyfriend if they had been dating for that long. The depths of how their culture had shaped them was evident to me. She was in this relationship because he could give her two things for her future, money and a child. One of these two things was not love. I'm not trying to be ethnocentric, but this value of their society brought me a lot of sadness. Maybe just because I know that both of them deserve so much more than what they expect.
(P.S. I learned an interesting fact in this meeting both Vena and her sister are in their 30s.... I thought they were 22. Looks like it's time for me to invest in some night creme)
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